"hey, remember when athena used to be fun?"

this is a question that a few people have asked nathan, and a few have even had the audacity to ask me directly. "hey, remember when you used to be fun?". well, fuck you! seriously! are you suggesting that i was better company when i was too drunk to know who i was or where i was than i am when i am in a sober state of mind?! would you prefer me reckless and vomiting?! would you like me to feel embarrassed and ashamed? call me crazy, but i'm just not seeing the 'fun' in that. i had no idea that i was so boring when sober, but if you think that...then you don't know me and you never did and i don't want your company. you don't deserve me.

YES, i was a party animal and i had a good time doing it...but these things get out of hand, and when they get out of hand, they stop being fun. what good is fun when i don't remember it? what good is ANY of it when i'm not even myself?! i wasn't so much 'fun' as i was a laughingstock.

my partying habits may have changed, but i'm still the same person! i'd like to think that i'm still enjoyable company...in fact, i'd HOPE that i am much better company these days! i'm not a recluse by any means. i still go to the bars and/or attend parties a couple of times a week, and i usually drink while doing it. i'm certainly no straight edge [although i'd still be just as rad if i was]. i've just learned about moderation. i've got a sense of my limits and i try to stay within them...i try to stay in control. and sometimes...sometimes, i just don't feel like drinking at all! sometimes, i want to just go out and have a sober good time, and i find more 'fun' in this than in obliteration. it doesn't mean i'm pissing on your parade. drink as much as you want! i hope you're having fun!

i don't need rude comments or to be singled out...but i could benefit from a little common courtesy. i'm a pretty shy person, and friendliness goes a long way with me. if you want to know why i'm not always super-outgoing...think of why YOU are drinking in the first place, and how it feels to be the sober guy at the party. it's not always easy, but it doesn't mean that it can't still be fun. this change in my life has been personal and i'm happier because of it. i believe in self-betterment and working to achieve more of what you want out of life, and that's exactly what i'm doing...

and you know what? i'm having fun doing it.