friends

i know a ton of people and i've got a ton of acquaintances...but i'm definitely feeling the shortage of FRIENDS lately. acquaintances are good in large numbers or when partying, but i tend to feel pretty awkward in other situations. i could probably count on one hand, the number of people that i feel comfortable hanging out with one on one. with nathan working full time and my being unemployed, i spend LOTS of time alone, which i am okay with...but i am starting to get terribly lonely. plus, i think that because i spend so much time alone, when i AM with people i find it even more difficult than usual to interact.

i went on facebook to message some people regarding potential hangouts...and ended up drawing a pretty big blank. and this is okay. this just means i have to put myself out there more. it wouldn't be the first time, but i'm finding it more difficult now. i've been in north bay long enough that most people my age are pretty well established in their own little niche. this doesn't mean that they can't be nice or anything, or that i can't hang out with them...it just makes it harder to fit in.

when i get into periods of time like this, i often wonder how i ever made friends in the first place. but i have. i mean, i've had friends. i've had lots of friends. and i still DO have friends. but man, meeting people is tough. not feeling so completely awkward and shy when i AM around people is even more tough.

it never fails...when it's summer, i'm wishing for september to roll around, and during the school year, i just dream of summer...and all the while, LIFE is happening. i know i should take control of my destiny and be grateful for every day, and i am. i really am. but it's still hard sometimes.