after years of being scared, shy, and guilty...today i finally took advantage of my student card and went to the gym. i'm very proud of this accomplishment because the thing stopping me before has never been laziness, but rather...i didn't know how to work a gym and i was too shy to ask and too scared to learn. i felt like i would look like an idiot being 22 and not knowing how! i was even reluctant to go with other people because the idea of appearing so out of shape in front of others made me nervous. the idea of sweating, and getting red in the face, and wearing ugly clothes and sneakers in front of other people just...never suited me.
but, along with this always came guilt. i WANTED to make exercise an important part of my life, mostly for the sake of my health...but also because i know a lot of the things that are 'off' about me mentally and physically could benefit from exercise. and of course, my metabolism won't last forever. i want to get comfortable with the idea of regular exercise now while i have the time, rather than later when i'm even more overwhelmed with life and am even more out of shape. i've tried to be active independently with minimal success. now, i realize i've only gone once. i've hardly made the big change in my life...yet. but for me, i think the big thing was just taking that first step...overcoming my nervousness...now i'm not scared to go back. i know how to use some machines and i know that i can work out and not die, haha. i know it can be ENJOYABLE and rewarding.
sooo, hopefully this summer i can make attending the gym a more regular part of my life...get comfortable with the idea while things are quiet. i feel no need to go every day and i won't beat myself up if i miss a day...but i would be happy going a few times a week. plus, the walk there and back is a workout in itself. i really hope i stick with this. but even if i lose momentum...i now know that i don't have to be afraid anymore, so it won't be hard to get back on track :].
ps: huge props to kayli for being so encouraging, not making me feel like a tool and for teaching me how to 'use the gym'. this is a pretty huge thing for me. it's more than just adding fitness to my life...it's also the beginning of some psychological healing for me. i'm letting go of some baggage and it feels great!